Marion Macdonald's Story
Map Reading's Fun - On A Trampoline!
AT FIRST, when everyone said, "Aren't you brave." we simpered a bit and said, "Not really."
After about the fortieth person had said it, kissed us warmly and gone away shaking his head and wiping his eyes, we stopped smiling socially and began to go to pieces.
"Look here," I said, taking Eileen Westley, my co-driver in the Marathon aside. "What are they all on about? Why are we so brave? We're just driving from London to Sydney. Hundreds of people do it. Is there something you haven't told me?"
She claimed to be just as baffled by the whole thing. And baffled - blissfully. I now realise - we remained until, at a cocktail party the next night, I found myself cornered by an old professional rally-driver.
"You'll be well into your training by now, won't you?" he said. "What sort of program are you following."
"Training," I said carefully taking a drink of whisky. "Program, Yes. Well, we're not following any set, you know, in particular...... we're just playing it by ear."
For the next hour or so this friend (I call him, as Dudley Moore would say, fiend) outlined some of the hazards of the trip and how we should overcome them, while my whisky turned to liquid ashes in my mouth.
Sleeping in the car, for instance. We would have to do this for nine nights between London and Bombay. Had we ever tried sleeping in a moving car? A caravan? A stationary car, then? Hmm.
How did we feel about wild animals? There would be lots of them around, once we got south of Kabul. Monkeys, leopards, ill-intentioned tigers in Pakistan: "You must have read about them carrying off the villagers."
Not caring to mention that I am still struggling with my fear of cockroaches, I wondered if it might not just be possible for us to drive through these places with the windows up?
"I don't like to be indelicate," my delicate friend said, "But there will be occasions................"
And then there's map reading.
Any fool can read a map laid out on the floor of the office. What about in a car bounding and juddering through the potholes of the Nullarbor, the rocks of the Khyber Pass? Well, what about it?
Foreign languages? Supposing we get lost where all the natives speak is a Kurdish dialect. Oh, so we were thinking of taking phrase books? Terribly useful they'd be, telling us how to say "A whisky for myself and a hot water bottle for my lady wife" (in Yugoslav hnuh hnuh).
And were we aware that some of the natives were less than friendly? Some of the desert tribes are liable to shoot first and ask for your Press pass after. Had we ever tried shooting from a moving car? (Really, some questions are too silly to answer. Where could we have tried that? Centennial Park on Sunday?
And what about punctures? I gave a flippant laugh, indicating that punctures were my daily fare.
"Changing them in the dark," he said, "In sub-zero temperatures, in pouring rain, knee-deep in mud.....?
When Eileen first rushed into the office waving an article headlined "The Greatest Race in the History of Driving" and said, "Why don't we see if we can go in it?" It did not occur to me that we might not be ideally suited to making driving history.
Later, equipped with the permission of our bosses, we were taken out to the BMC rally workshop to look at the car they were kind enough to offer.
It was the hot pink, black and white Morris 1100 which Evan Green and "Gelignite" Jack Murray had taken on a car-versus-plane race around Australia. It was very dirty and, some might say, vulgarly ostentatious. But to us it was a thing of beauty and, let's be honest, mystery.
"What modifications would you like made, do you think?" a BMC man asked.
"How sweet of you." I said warmly. "Perhaps a light over that make-up mirror.....?" Eileen was measuring the bed with eye and mumuring about chintzes.
BMC exchanged significant glances and did not bother us with many more technical details.
We were left to the vital business of collecting Turkish, Italian, Indian, etcetera, phrase-books and learning the appropriate words for "left", "right", "straight ahead", "where is the lavatory - NRMA?" and "don't shoot, we have travellers' cheques".
I explained all this to the old rally driver. He was strangely un-impressed, not to say frantic.
"What you need ," he said, "is practice," and he outlined a pretty solid schedule for us......
Map-reading over filthy roads, changing wheels in a cloudburst, sleeping with a manic woman at the wheel and dealing with unfriendly Kings of Beasts in the jungle aren't the sorts of things you can get much practice at without actually doing them. And we had no wish to do them until it was absolutely necessary.
Nonetheless, with the guidance of our friend, we took our practice seriously.
Changing wheels in simulated storm conditions was an exercise in masochism.
We enjoyed making the mud-bath to put the car in, with hose, shovel, and bare feet. But then Eileen sat on the roof of the car slinging buckets of water over me while I fumbled grumpily with the jack, and Jenny worked a massive pair of bellows....
It will give you some inkling of what my trip will be like when I tell you that Eileen's idea of humour, on a cold day, is to dump a tray of ice-blocks into the rain-machine. Eventually, using warm water, we got our wheel changes down to a couple of minutes.
It was suggested that we learned to map-read while bouncing on a trampoline. I pointed out that, with my known prowess on a trampoline, this was likely to maim me vitally. I suspected that it might mean dementia or death for Eileen and Jenny, too.
We compromised by putting the maps on the floor and learning to read them off while Relaxing With Roma and Swinging With Sue.
After all this, sleeping in the car was a snack. The neighbours who can see perfectly good empty beds inside our houses, think it a little eccentric.
Shooting-practice was a little more difficult. The Australian authorities frown on potting at pedestrians from moving cars, even with blanks.
And there it is.
We can hardly wait for the Marathon to begin. Equipped as we are, it seems probable that fame and fortune lie just around the corner.
"Ladylike Australian Women's Team Carry Off All Big Prizes"
......a mad dream, I would have said this once. But not now!
- Marion Macdonald
Marion Macdonald
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Home I A Tale Of Two Cities I How It All Began I The Entrants I The Rules I Timetable I The Route I Their Story I Photo Albums
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The Ladies I How They Finished I BMC I Ford I Holden I Other Marques I Site Map I Memorabilia I Credits/About Us I Links
